NHS Greater Glasgow

Apparently these were actually typed by NHS secretaries in Greater Glasgow: 

• The patient has no previous history of suicides. 

• Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital. 

• Medical history unremarkable: only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days. 

• She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband saysshe was very hot in bed. 

• Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. 

• On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared. 

• The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. 

• The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993. 

• Discharge status: alive, but without my permission. 

• Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful. 

• Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. 

• She is numb from her toes down. 

• While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home. 

• The skin was moist and dry. 

• Occasional, constant infrequent headaches. 

• Patient was alert and unresponsive. 

• Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid. 

• She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce. 

• I saw your patient today, who is still under our care for physical therapy. 

• Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. 

• Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. 

• The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. 

• Skin: somewhat pale, but present. 

• The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor. 

• Large brown stool ambulating in the hall. 

• Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities. 

• When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room. 

• The patient was in a good state of health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed. 

• Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant. 

• She slipped on the ice and her legs went in separate directions in early December. 

• Patient was seen by Dr. Smith who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree. 

• The patient needed a bowel resection, but he took a job as a stock broker instead. 

• By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.